This really isn’t a huge crime story but when taken in context it’s pretty darned funny.

Back on July 3rd a police officer in Fort Walton Beach, Florida made a DUI stop in which he arrested 26-year-old Sherry Fuscaldo (MySpace) of Destin, Florida. She put up a little bit of a fight and after she was placed in the patrol car she started trying to kick the window out. The deputy who arrested her ended up having to pick her up and put her in leg irons as well as handcuffs. It doesn’t end there though. Oh hell no.

After Fuscaldo was taken to the jail she undid her bra and pulled her shirt down while they were taking her mug shot. The deputy taking it didn’t notice but the camera certainly did. Obviously they retook the photo (couldn’t get that damned lucky). He took her to the intake room where she grabbed her license off a desk. The deputy tried to get it back and she tried to bite him and then kicked another deputy causing him to bleed. She tried to bite him again but ended up biting herself.

Fuscaldo ended up being charged with Resisting an Officer With Violence and DUI.

I guess everyone has to get their rocks off in different ways. Mine involve midgets and bulls (no animals were hurt in the writing of this story) but Leland Dement of Reno, Nevada apparently enjoys calling 911 to make threats.

The 60-year-old man was arrested Saturday after he called 911 more than 20 times the same morning. The man allegedly made threats against Our Lady of the Snows School including bomb threats. Bomb sniffing dogs were sent to the school and didn’t find anything but the school was still closed today and Dement, who is currently lodged in the Washoe County Jail on $28,000 bond, was charged with Unlawful Use of the 911 System and Making a Bomb Threat.

Of course since none of the above crimes really fit any type of modus operandi for me to actually post this story here so you may be wondering exactly why Leland is showing his wonderful mug shot on the front page…It’s BECAUSE of his mug shot that he’s here. I just couldn’t resist.

Thanks to Me ToSee I came across this wonderful little story earlier today.

A couple of weeks ago a CHP officer came across 60-year-old Steven Ferrini sitting in his car in a no parking zone. He was found to be in possession of what they believed was Methamphetamine and arrested. When he was searched the officer found a suspicious wire with an on/off switch in his pants pocket. The wire went from his pocket into his fudge tunnel of love. Ferrini claimed it was an anal vibrator.

The arresting officers decided to take him to a local hospital to have it removed and stopped at the office first. While there Ferrini started talking about bombs and how to make them. The officers were afraid that he might have a bomb up his ass and notified the supervisor on duty and the bomb squad.

They ended up evacuating the office and around THREE hours later the bomb disposal unit “rendered the device safe” and decided it was, after all, an anal vibrator.

“Rendered the device safe”.

Damn.

I wonder which lucky guy got to pull the thing out of his anal cavity to take a look at it? Those guys damn sure don’t get paid enough to deal with that kind of explosive device…particularly after it’s been there for more than three hours. Perhaps Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs needs to spend some time with them.

Me ToSee sent me a link to this over at AccessAtlanta a couple of days ago but I’ve been pretty busy at work and hadn’t had time to check it out. I had also come across it over the weekend but since I didn’t have a mugshot at the time I decided to skip it. Thanks to the inestimable Smoking Gun we now have a mug.

31-year-old Toni Tramel was arrested last week for public drunk. She was taken to the Daviess County Jail in Kentucky to be booked. When Officer Lula Brown asked her to change into a jail uniform she was too drunk to comply so Brown tried to help her out.

When Tramel took her bra off in the jail shower she grabbed hold of her breast and squirted Brown in the face and neck with breast milk then tried to do it again but luckily the lactating woman was unsuccessful.

In addition to the public intoxication charge Tramel has now been charged with 3rd degree Assault on a Police Officer and is lodged in the Daviess County Jail on $10,000 bond.

If the woman was lactating doesn’t that generally mean she is either pregnant or has recently given birth? What the fuck was she thinking to get so damned drunk that she would get arrested for it? Celebrating the birth?

While this really isn’t a crime story, there is a bit of an element of crime here and it’s just weird enough for me to post.

Apparently a woman in Manitowoc, Wisconsin and her boyfriend went around barriers at the Lincoln Park Zoo enclosure there a bear was being held in order to get close enough to feed the thing.

You know those signs that say “Don’t feed the bears!”?

They are fucking-a serious as 47-year-old Tracy Weiler could tell you.

Tracy was allegedly trying to feed something to the bear out of a plastic bag and the bear apparently mistook Tracy’s fingers for whatever tasty treat she was trying to feed the damned thing. You FUCKTARD! Just because they are in the zoo doesn’t mean they are tame. That’s where the fucking cages come in. bwahaha.

Weiler lost her thumb and forefinger as well as a portion of her ring and middle fingers and her boyfriend, 51-year-old Lawrence Bosworth, was also bitten while he was trying to pry the bears jaws open to free his girlfriends fingers.

Free them he did. <snicker>

It’s been reported that alcohol might have played a factor in the incident. Say it isn’t so…

Down here in the deep south this kind of stuff usually follows some inebriated jackass saying “hey Jasper, watch this!…”

Of course, I may have been the inebriated jackass a time or two but thus far I have kept the hands from the mouths of bears.

The title says it all, or at least most of it.

52-year-old Terrence Miles of Ypsilanti, Michigan was at the public library last Thursday and the other patrons got quite a shock when the man emerged from the children’s section stark naked. A librarian then got another treat when Miles thrust his hips at her.

Terrence then threw his clothes back on, grabbed a handful of children’s books and exited the library. Law enforcement was able to track him down since he had asked for help finding books before his nekked hijinks.

The man turned himself into police at the station Monday but when they went to book him he took off like a bat out of hell. Police found him a short time later. He has been charged with Larceny, Resisting Arrest and Indecent Exposure. He has already pleaded guilty to Indecent Exposure.

In addition to the charges the library is revoking his library card as well.

20-year-old Christopher Lee Schaumburger is ill prepared to be a burglar. Monday he tried (unsuccessfully) to break into a home in the Cinnamon Hills area on Lake Tarpon right in between Palm Harbor and Tarpon Springs, Florida. Not being able to get inside (it was most likely locked, the only deterrent needed for Schaumburger) he went next door and broke into a different home, only this time the owner was at home.

Schaumburger beat feet while the owner of the home called 911. In the meantime Schaumburger stole a bicycle in an attempt to get away. He rode it for awhile and then tried running. Not being able to get away from the police fast enough Chris stole a pedal boat and took off at top speed (around 5mph) trying to cross Lake Tarpon in a bid to get away from police.

Apparently Schaumburger thought he would get less air resistance if he undressed so he did just that, stripping down to his underwear. About 200 years from shore the pedal boat broke and Schaumburger sat there screaming and crying like he was going to die until police managed to get the boat back to shore.

Schaumburger is currently lodged in the Pinellas County Jail charged with Armed Burglary, Attempted Burglary, Dealing in Stolen Property and Aggravated Assault. His bond is $85,000.

Chris Schaumburger’s MySpace

Bebo Profile

Charge Report

Yesterday was Martin Luther King Jr day. I know this because my kids were out of school and the wife had the day off work (although she’ll insist it’s because it was her birthday). It’s not that I don’t think Holidays are important but since they have no effect whatsoever on my schedule except to make me work harder I don’t pay attention.

So here we are. All over the United States people are celebrating, including down in St. Petersburg, Florida. Of course, what could bring the “dream” more alive than…throwing bricks at white people and cops! Hell yes!

Around 4:30 yesterday afternoon one of the officers working the festivities heard someone yelling at the crowd “Get your bricks early,” “get ‘em now for the festivities!” and “buy your bricks here!”

Not being one to miss a good time the officer went looking for the person behind the voice and found Leroy McKinney pulling a cart with a milk crate full of 3” long bricks.

McKinney, who already has three convictions in Pinellas County for Public Intoxication was arrested for Disorderly Conduct and booked into the Pinellas County Jail. He’s still sitting there on $250 bond so apparently he must not have made much in his crushing enterprise.

Apparently the woman in the video wasn’t satisfied with her hamburger and demanded a refund of her money. The folks at the McDonald’s told her they would be happy to give her another hamburger but she wasn’t going to get her money back.

Rather than take her free hamburger and sulk out of there the woman decides to turn into an asshat and starts throwing stuff over the counter. A bucket of water, straws, cookies, a wet floor sign. Then she goes for the cash registers and knocks three of them off the counter.

The Kansas City Police Department is still looking for the woman and the restaurant is said to have taken a loss of several thousand dollars.

Last year down in Florida (of course) Latreasa Goodman went into the McDonald’s in Ft. Pierce and paid for her meal, which included chicken nuggets. Apparently they were out and wouldn’t give her money back, so she called 911…THREE TIMES. She was initially charged with Misuse of a 911 Call but I believe that was dropped. Hopefully some dumbass McDonald’s employee was fired after that as well.

…which brings us to the topic of this post. Melodi Dushane.

24-year-old Melodi Dushane (MySpace | Facebook) from East Toledo, Ohio got a hankering for chicken nuggets last Thursday night/Friday morning. Thing is the nuggets aren’t available for breakfast. When Melodi went through the drive-thru and was told that they didn’t serve nuggets for breakfast she reached up through the drive-thru window and punched the employee in the mouth.

It gets even better though. The shift manager came to see what the commotion was all about and Dushane swung her fists at at her. Rather than do the smart thing and let her go, getting her tag number and description for the police the moron reached through the window and tried to drag Melodi through it by her hair.

Melodi fought back and ended up being let go, at which point she punched out the drive-thru window. By that time police had arrived. Melodi was treated at a local hospital and released, at which point she was arrested and charged with Felony Vandalism. She has pleaded not guilty and been ordered to stay away from that McDonald’s and will be back in court on January 28th.

Aside from the fact that Melodi is obviously a pea brain, I am relatively certain (having been in food management for the last 23 years) that a certain shift manager no longer holds that position and will be lucky if they even have a job anymore. Most big companies take a dim view on their employees getting involved in physical altercations. Self defense is one thing but trying to drag someone through a drive-thru window probably could have been avoided.

Waiting in line with the little kids was one of Santa’s elves. While not part of this Santa’s holiday menagerie William C. Caldwell III of Morrow certainly dressed the part, all except for the trench coat he was wearing. When Caldwell managed to get his turn with Santa he told the portly St. Nick he wanted to have his picture taken with him…and oh, by the way, he also had dynamite in his bag and was going to blow up the mall.

Several people heard Caldwell and do what crowds of sheep always do, run like hell. Police were informed and they subdued Caldwell, throwing him to the ground in the process. The mall was evacuated (for the rest of the evening) and searched for explosives which were never found…

It’s as if a producer said “find me the biggest dumbass rednecks to interview, we’re going to be on National News tomorrow!”

Some of the comments witnessed gave CBS last night,

“I ain’t never seen a whole mall evactuated at one time like that”

“They said bomb..I just heard bomb! When I heard the b-word, I just dipped, seriously”

Caldwell was arrested and charged with Terroristic Threats, Simple Assault, Hoax Devices, False Imprisonment, Disorderly Conduct, False Public Alarm and Reckless Conduct. He’s been lodged in the Clayton County Jail with no bond.

I don’t yet have a booking photo but his arrest docket is here. He even sounds like an elf. Not that I am the tallest person on the block but William is a white male, 5′, 108 lbs. Just as soon as I can get a photo I’ll be sure to get it online.

Update 4:24 p.m. – So they have released Caldwell’s mug shot as you can see at the top of the entry. Nothing really new here but a couple of the local stations have interviewed Caldwell’s neighbors who call him mentally unstable and that the costume didn’t surprise them. One man said that he walks around with different costumes every day. Sometimes a king, sometimes he has a cape on, etc…They do say that he has never been unpleasant though, just weird.

I recently had to deal with my 12-YO on that one. She is currently on the wrestling team at her middle school which means 6 p.m. pickup at school. She also goes to church on Wednesday nights and Sundays as well. She had several homework assignments due and procrastinated on them as well as a project that was due in two days. She had a wrestling meet the next night. Her choice was to stay up until midnight and finish it that night or skip the wrestling meet and chance being dropped from the team. She chose to finish her work and we managed to get to bed about 11:30. Too late for me considering that I have to get up at 4:30 every morning but I wasn’t about to force her to stay up and not be there to help out.

 While I am not a huge believer in any type of organized religion my children are smart enough to figure that stuff out for themselves. Our next-door-neighbor is a pastor at one of our local churches and all I told my wife was that I think going to church is a good thing for them morally and socially but the first day that they come home and tell me that I am going to hell for not believing will be their last day at church until they turn 18.

Anyway, my whole point is that it’s OK to want your kids to be successful in all of their endeavors but you have to let your children be children too. They need time to play. Time to pretend and just decompress. It’s NOT a good thing to make them so ultra-overachieving that they skip their childhood and this is what brings me to the REAL point of this post.

Yang Fen is a divorced father in Haikou City, Hainan Province, China. He has decided that the way to win his wife back is to turn his 6-year-old daughter into a famous marathon runner. His little girl recently ran 86 miles in two days and he wants to train her to run that distance in ONE.

She is forced to run laps as soon as she gets home from school, where she recently skipped two grades, sometimes until midnight. According to the article over at FOXAtlanta he is concerned over her puffy toes and swollen feet but the training continues anyway. So much for fucking concern. His comment to an interview was “Now there is only my daughter and me, I have no choice but to let her share some of my treasure. I hope she will become more mature and sturdy through the training”

In addition to her running she also takes guitar and singing lessons.

There’s something to be said for living vicariously through your children but driving them too far physically and emotionally to make up for your failures just makes you a bigger…failure.

Not exactly a crime story, I know, but in my eyes this is as much child abuse as if he was punching her in the head before bed every night.

About five minutes into his appointment Jay whipped out his willy and started choking the old chicken in front of the therapist, who ended the session. Harris left but about five minutes later he called her back to ask if he could see her again.

Harris was charged with public indecency and according to the Forsyth County Sheriff’s Office he may have committed similar crimes in other parts of Atlanta.

Damned if I don’t have a mug shot or MySpace page but rest assured that if I come across one I’ll be sure to post it here.

A couple of police officers were sitting outside of a grocery store in Kansas City, Missouri when Todd Kresin and an accomplice drove up to two women in the parking lot. Kreisin knocks one of them down while stealing her purse.

The entire incident was caught on the officer’s dash-cam, along with the fact that they arrested him before he ever left the parking lot.

The video below was shown in court and Kresin was convicted and sentenced to 12 years in prison. His getaway driver received four years.

29-year-old William Bryant Moncalieri was released on bond on October 18th and had his court case back in February. Apparently Moncalieri either pleaded guilty or was found guilty. He ended up serving two months in jail, had to pay fines and restitution and was released from the Pinellas County Jail on April 13th of this year.

Original Entry – …actually he loves money even more than that. Betcha thought this was some kind of necrophilia post, huh? Not today thank goodness. According to WKRG in the Florida Panhandle William Moncalieri stole more than 100 urns from a Florida cemetery and sold them to a recycling company. Moncalieri used to work for the cemetery and stole 15-20 urns a night and made over $1000. They are the metal urns where you place flowers on graves, not urns for ashes (which is what I initially thought). The owners reported missing urns back in early august after they noticed them missing all over the cemetery.

The Pinellas County Sheriff’s Department arrested him at his home on Monday.

Hope that $1000 was worth the jail time. bwahahaha.

When I first came across the story I just figured Moncalieri was a waged employee of the cemetery but he is listed at Portfolio.Com as the General Manager for the Eternal Rest Funeral Home in Dunedin, Florida.